The question to which I still do not have the proper answer! Although the meanings of these words are completely opposite (or are they?), today I am starting to consider both of them as synonyms. When it comes to literary theory, not many words come to mind when trying to read it, apart from these two, especially when in front of you there lies an innocent document entitled Kristeva-Powers of Horror. And that’s where my story begins. I opened the file. I unleashed the monster that now dwells on my shoulder, trying to confuse me each time I read a sentence. This endless mission becomes mind threatening, altering the mind’s state precisely from that, from struggling to suffering. In this case, my struggle to try and understand, from my first attempt (pretty ambitious, I might add), the powers that the words like abject and jouissance hold in this theory of human body and its functions, narcissism, the Other, the sublime, ego and superego, equates every second with my suffering when trying to connect all the dots which my mind is deliberately trying to erase, so there is always some small, almost insignificant part which is missing and therefore I am in danger of missing the point of the whole thing. It is very interesting, though, how the things that we are ashamed or afraid of mentioning in a civil and proper conversation, like the excrement of the body, the smell and the visual aspect of the dying cadaver, which is thought to be the ultimate abject object in this theory, can become so important when consumed by the logical thought of an individual like Kristeva. It is fascinating how the struggle to understand such a theory becomes an endless suffering of one’s own mind which craves for more with each sentence, transcending into the sublime dimension and reaching its ultimate goal-understanding.
I am lost. For now. But, there is still hope…it’s only when I lose myself, that I find myself again.
I always thought that writing is such an easy activity. You just make yourself comfortable, take a notebook and a pen…or laptop…or a typewriter, whichever you prefer, and you just start writing…and after a short time tadaaaaam! You produce a brilliant and coherent work of art, you edit it a bit, just to look fairly nice, which in your head looks like the most beautiful thing you’ve ever done and then people start buying it and you get rich and famous!
At least that’s what I thought when I was reading masterpieces by Stephen King, Ray Bradbury and many others that fall into the genius category. Although, to be clear, Lovecraft could have done it a bit more …understanding 😉 No, just kidding! Lovecraft , Poe, King and Bradbury are my own personal tutors when talking about writing and imagination.
Soon after I expressed my wish to become a writer and an active part of an academic community, I found out how difficult it is really. It’s not just putting random words on paper and then they magically hit the stars! No, no…it’s more of a hard-work-in-your-face-deal-with-insomnia-and-have-no-life type of thing. But I am enjoying every second of it!To be honest, it is a very slow process, in terms of trying to put your idea on paper and breathe life into it and releasing your new monster creation into the vast world, to deal with readers and other writers, and the rejection part is a bit tough to handle sometimes, but…like a dear friend of mine once said to me in a moment of utter madness induced by rejection, it took a couple of years for Stephen King to publish his first story, so just keep going and don’t give up! Which is basically true, because now I have a couple of academic articles published, related to my future PhD and other research, and my short story is due this month, of which I am very proud. My first story ever, to be accessible to the public! It is in a way like letting readers pick your brain, because stories comprise of your personal experiences, wishes, dreams and fears who are now out there, in the world…and I truly hope that people will like it! So, not giving up sounds like a plan, don’t you think? 😉